Beginnings

Hello Lovelies,

     I have made it to Chiang Mai. I am in my temporary housing while looking for long term housing in the area close to my university. I was informed that it is not common for people to walk in Thailand by the lady of the couple that is helping me out which is really funny as I will be walking almost everywhere. Oh well. I will say, though, that the university people have all been referencing everything as how long the walk is from the university which is very helpful.

     My plane rides were good. I have cried quite a bit so far, but am working on staying strong and brave. Of course I mean that I am still crying, I am just moving forward while also crying. Sometimes the thought of walking outside is scary, but that’s okay because doing it scared is how you are brave.

     I have called my boyfriend multiple times, and I have called my parents once. While getting to talk to people is a moment to look forward to every day, I am working on making it not the only part I look forward to, but it is only day 2.

     Sometimes I want to think that I am alone, but then I remember that I wasn’t left by myself yesterday until both me and the people helping me were confident I could survive the night and more. I also literally travelled halfway across the world by myself, and sat on a plane for 14 hours like it’s the easiest thing in the world. It is becoming easier to sit that long on a plane. I was so emotionally out of it that I kept wanting to think, “When this is over I’ll be home.” about the long travel time, but then had to remember that ‘home’ for the next three years is not the feeling I was craving in those moments.

     The little apps that my boyfriend and I use to stay connected are helpful because they ‘force’ me to take a second to breathe and check on my mental state to be able to update my status and how I’m feeling. For my sake temporarily, I have gotten a countdown app that lets me know when big things are coming up. Right now, it’s so I can get through the day by day things until I get a routine and feel more settled and less unnerved, but eventually it will be a reminder to live in the moment and get out because I don’t have forever here. Even if it feels like forever right now.

      I had the odd realization that I won’t be 23 when I return to the states. Like, I know I won’t be, but it didn’t hit me that I will be 26 until yesterday. It made me sad to think that I won’t be physically present with my people for so many of their important milestones, but also for so many of my important milestones. I know it’s okay to be sad about those things, and I know that the more time I spend here, the more that sadness will not feel so in my face all the time. It’s a different sort of grief, and I just have to remind myself (and the people I love) that it is both okay to feel this grief and sadness and also to still live life and do exciting things despite it.

     I’m still figuring out what is over and under sharing for these blogs, but until I can regulate my emotions a bit more, this is the style we are getting. I want to be entirely transparent about the process and my feelings, and not make up some manufactured words that everything is perfect.
(5/9/26)

     Small update a few days later. I am doing okay, and probably better than a few days okay. I still can’t get my sleep schedule under control which is quite draining. The goal is to stay ‘busy’ so I don’t take a nap. The urge hits a lot more in the afternoons, so I like to go out and take walks so I’m not in the room.

     I have the goal of taking a mile walk every day in solidarity with my boyfriend who is running a mile every day. I walked around campus the other day, and today I walked to a closer grocery mart of sorts. It was a little more expensive than Big C, but it cuts out ten minutes of walking which is convenient on hot days like today.

     It is hot which is going to make walking not fun with a backpack on, but as long as I am only walking to and from school it shouldn’t be too bad. The walk in the morning will be even less bad because classes this summer start at 8:30 which means it won’t be the hottest part of the day.

     Tonight I’m going over to a potential roommate’s place for dinner so we can meet each other and see if we’ll be a good fit or not. I’m quite excited about it. She just finished up her first year.

     Anyways, things are going well even if I do randomly get sad, or ‘the sad side of neutral’ if that makes any sense. Either way, I’m just taking it day by day.

Love ya lots,
Lydia
(5/11/26)